Wait... what?

"Take it or leave it.
Send it back if you want.
That's what Valentine's Day is for."
Jon Hua-ker

It's actually really true

"Infected asshole trumps all knowledge."
-Jared

The divided states of America in 2010?

Narges: i think his theory is a little off

me: well, yeah

it would be exciting though

Narges: only a true optimist will look at a theory of civil war and the fall of a country and say that

"Don't read into that. I was just curious."

"Do you think Rachel Ray gets a lot of threats on her life?"
-Nick

We are: King Kong Dong

"Hahaha ... Dorks."
-Narges

Nick, drunk

Nick: "Wh0, Mike or Zac?"
Me: "I'm Zac."
Nick: "Which one am I, then?"

Santa is very judgemental

Andy: i will dress up as santa one day

i feel it

A lot of it is shit

Nick: im impressed with the duties of your job

i typed duties

So I walked through the TL last night

Andy: i hope you saw the crack cluster

I heard that

"Female asses are mysterious creatures. They come and go as they please. And much of their behavior seems unfathomable to an outsider."
-Narrator of "Planet Earth"

It's the new hello

"You look like Sasquatch."
-Melanie

Ha, I did

"... and then yesterday... I didn't have bacon yesterday... Fuck!"
-Mike

I wouldn't know, but I've heard the opposite

Hawaii is disappointing!

Marin Bright
founder / publisher / editorial director

Never thought of it that way

me: why DO you hate chipotle?

Jon: its not mexican food

it fools people

and it takes jobs from hardworking migrants and gives them to overprivileged 20-somethings

me: you know who owns it?
McDonalds

Jon: hhahah even more ammo

I've heard this before and I know where it's going

Jon: so i'm a gentleman
...

Is it not anymore?

Andy: remember when it was so hot to wear straw cowboy hats? good times.

Sent at 12:10 PM on Wednesday

Mensa is kinda witty. Go figure.

If you found 10, you forgot about 70, 71, etc. If you got 11, you forgot about the 70 series, but remembered 77 had 2; if you got 19, you forgot about the extra 7 in 77; if you got 21 you created a 7 out of thin air.
-Answers to the Mensa Workout (question was "how many times does 7 appear between 1 and 100? I counted 19.)

Better than coal

"You got ants than a motherfucka. Man, I'm getting you Raid for Christmas."

-Mike

The best movie ever?

Nick - "You've never seen 'Sixteen Candles'? It's-"

Mike - "DON'T... say what you're about to say..."

Maybe you had to be there

Mike, reading a text on Nick's phone:

" 'I just wanted to say I love you and you're the best.' You'd be the best if you got off your ass and got us all waters."

Inspiring and frightening

Colin - "Zac, Macie's going to forward you an email from a guy named Thor Kennedy"
me - "Awesome name."
Colin - "It really is..."
....

From: Macie
Subject: Thor's contact info

I would have anyway

me - "Macie, did you know that today is the 75th anniversary of the repeal of prohibition?"
Macie - "I did not know that... maybe we should get drunk."

Never!

me: lisa, are you up for giving some advice?

Lisa: sure

yes, you have too many blogs

hahaah

me: wow, that is a cool job

but why LA?

why must she leave us so soon?

Kirstin: I know I need to actually talk to her she just typed it to me

I wasnt at the comp so I couldn't probe

Hehe probe

It's all so clear now

me: MOMA is playing Showgirls in a few weeks

Andy: as in.. the movie?

me: yeah

they've got a vegas exhibit going on

Andy: interesting

i didn't realize that movie was a work of modern art

although upon further introspection, i knew it all along.

I call thee lame

Kirstin: call me lame but as much as i enjoy the arts... it was an opera.

"But we'll go with victim"

"I got an error message that said, 'You may be a victim of software counterfeiting.' If you mean a perpetrator of software piracy... then yes."
-Andy

I knew it wouldn't last long

me: you're such an over actor

when the depression hits, and i become a grifter like in "the sting"

you are so NOT going to be my sidekick

Lisa: what!?!?

how dare you!?!?

and now i'm tired of exclamation points

at least for now

Burn!

Athena - "I hate coming home and having to listen to war video games. It's so loud."
Regina - "It's not my fault you date boys."

Yet

"I've never grabbed another Colin's burrito."
-Colin

Could be worse I suppose

"So now she has no boyfriend, no job, and no apartment. Isn't that so sad? I mean, I'm smiling cause I'm happy, but isn't that horrible?"
-Macie

Bad decisions/laziness

"How do you think someone ends up in Utah?"
-Colin, whose territory includes Utah

I would have

Ben - "Colin did you put those IOs in the file?"
Colin - "No, I through them on the ground and stomped on them."
me - "Then I burned them."
Colin - "Oh Zac, don't exaggerate."

"The black side always gets cummed on"

"Oh, oh... which side got cummed on?"
andy

First, they were mulatto

"What's with the Obama cookies?"
-Tim

She must have gotten it out of her system

"She's so responsible. I can't believe she went to Chico State."
-Marin, my CEO about a job applicant

"No, I met her before"

me - "Is she little? She looks little."
Ben - "She's got a big mouth."

Jed, what are you smelling right now?

me: i was asking what kenya smelled like

but don't worry about it

you don't have to reduce it to any one smell

8:48 AM Jed: haha

not oatmeal cookies

oh god no

I actually had

"Have you noticed how cool our kitchen looks with the lights off?"
-Andy

What is too much, really?

Kirstin: do you have any idea what kind of speech i'll give?

i just hope i dont say balls too much

It is

me: yeah

it all feels like friday doesn't it?

5:34 PM andy: it does

maybe this is what living in an awesome apt is like

Oliver Stone's "Obama"

"Yeah, someone in black face? I could go for that."
-Andy

And I said 'yeah'

Commercial - "Have you always wanted to travel like James Bond?"
Tim - "No, he's always getting hurt. And his planes always blow up."

Sounds delicious

"It was like some ridiculous six degrees of Kenya Bacon."
-Jed

I didn't verify this

"Wow, there isn't any color at all in that pee."
-Sachin

Such a classy girl

"Talk about boning!"
-Shaiya

Aluminum foil = al foil

Tim - "You should really call it al foil."
Andy - "No. We're not going to do that."
Tim - "But Obama wants change!"

So true

"Zac, we have a year to puke out the window, so..."
-Andy

This is after he screamed a little

"My first thought was, 'Oh my god a lion.' Then I thought, 'Wow, that's a small lion.' Then I thought, 'What's a lion doing in San Francisco?' Then I thought, 'Oh, it's a dog.'"
-Nick

True

"We're kind of like rednecks. But better."
-Narges

If someone asks, I'll probably tell

Kirstin: have you heard of cha cha cha in the haight?

supposed to be awesome as well

______(quote deleted by admin)_______________.

please do not quote that

Andy loves politics

andy: seriously

i am sooo into democrats, i don't even know how to express it.

me: ted stevens is convicted of violating the public trust a week before the election

and he still wants alaskans to vote for him

andy: haha

i love republicans

And I just found my costume

me - "How does this bald cap look on my head?
Mom - "It looks like a condom."

... Ladies

Ginny - "Did you gong me?"
Ben - "I didn't gong you yet."

Me too!

andy: hahah yeah

i want to jump into its gaping maw

Jed gets me

me: naan and curry is like a block away

Jed: fo shizzle

nice!

I'm jealous
me: don't be, it's tiny

Jed: that's what she said!

With postpartum

andy: flu shot hurts like a mother

4:29 PM a hurtful mother

Ew

Narges: i have a 10 year old in my office right now

its kinda awk

im supposed to be entertaining him

I could see that

Kate: i think i am also more inclined to enjoy something that features puppets

It was so hard for me to not laugh at this...

Macie - "Wow, how did you get all that in there? I can't believe it."
Melanie - "It's what I do."

This is just wrong

Jessica: like the snuggle bear commercials?

cause that bear is adorable

you just want to throw it down on the soft laundry and have your way with it
me: you want to bone Snuggles the bear?

that is so disturbing

Jessica: but his sheets are so soft

you know he's asking for it by encouraging you to hug him
pretty much anyone you can hug (non relative) would let you do them

A true salesman

"Well yeah, but when they do say 'yes' it's consensual. So, rape 'em till they like it."
-Nick

Fair enough

Sent at 2:30 PM on Monday
Kirstin: did she smell like a castle?

me: i didn't smell her

but probably

Kirstin: and jam

me: jam?

Kirstin: to spread on toast

me: yes i know what jam is for

my question was why would an old irish lady smell like jam?

Kirstin: she wakes up early and has some jam on toast followed by a walk down the hill to the windy bluff at the bottom of her castle

I could go for either

"But I don't want to get into porn or racist stuff."
-Carolyn (who is about 60)

Better view, I suppose

Andy: bridges are so much cooler than regular freeways

Lawyers on drugs would be awesome

Narges: i wish i was high

i could argue my point better

I have actually

"Have you ever smelled Tanqueray on a hot day?"
-Mike

I was online for 12 hours?

Sent at 9:06 AM on Monday
me: Jon, I'd like to propose something to you
pending your schedule of availability
Jon: ok
me: I'd like to get you drunk and tell you tales of karma
Jon: haha
sounds like a plan

Sent at 9:25 PM on Monday
Jon: dude

i have found the best beer

red horse

filipino

has gin in it

good stuff

that is all

I actually did NOT know that

"Did you know there's pornography on tv after 10 at night in mexico?"
-Dad

Brontosaur-zack

11:32 AM jaredzack: oh i am a dinosaur

Do most people?

me: i was never excited for it

i've always been dreading the awkwardness of it all

Andy: oh that's right

you don't like awkwardness

And after only one beer

"What can I say, you two make me go both ways. Wow. That sounded... awkward."
-Niki

One of us, one of us

Andy: and it'd be hella easier to park

(i think that was my inaugural bay area use of the word "hella")

it just came so naturally

Excellent sleuthing

Andy: i think shaun bishop is writing for the san mateo county times
because.. this story i'm looking at is writtten by him
hm that's an interesting theory

I hope I play the John Cusack part

Lisa: i often imagine your life to be an 80s teen movie

Neither is normal corn, really

"No, candy corn isn't a vegetable. Candy corn doesn't count."
-A mom in the gro sto to her son

He does have a certain way of walking

Andy: i got red wine spilled on me friday night

and somehow washed it all out the next day

i feel like i'm some sort of jesus

Surprising, I know

me: i will now put on the soundtrack to "Spring Awakening"

i can say some things that will make me seem more manly

on friday, i went to a yacht club and got drunk on really expensive scotch

saturday i played rock band and won $$$ playing poker

and sunday i banged many, many hookers

while smoking a cigar

Kirstin: what?!

yacht club?!

Political solution

"I'm going to go live on an island and eat bananas. Live just with the animals. Feed them and they'd lick me. I am their master."
-Old man on the ferry this morning

Glad I didn't see the game

"You guys got punked by a bunch of Mormons."
-Michael

This is a crisis?

"Like, I always want to push people off subway platforms."
-Jessica

He is quite the redneck

From: Mike

Dude i think im gonna do one of those red neck mustache u know with no beard.

Received:
Fri Sep 12, 3:03 pm

Oompa Loompas have all the positions anyway

Kate: note to self, despite fun-sounding job description, do not get job at popcorn factory
it's all willy-wonka-esque fun and games till somebody gets cancer

She's similar to...

"But sprinkle some slut on top."
-Nick

Regarding Track Palin's alleged drug abuse

Andy: is it wrong for me to love this?

oh well. i love it.

If only

"We don't have the luxury of eating a whole deer and laying in the sun for a couple of days."
-Colin

Wait... what?

from: Mom
to: me
date: Tue, Sep 9, 2008 at 9:58 AM
subject: Re: Pants

Navy is the new black. Always has been.

Don't we all

Andy: peace i'm outtie.

ah, i wish they'd put clueless on tv tonight.

I did a little

Drunk guy - (to Nick) "You look like a guy I used to live next to." (turning toward me) "And you look like me."

It really does

"Uggh, armpit. That's not like ass dude, that smell cuts you."
-Jeff

Best question via email EVER

from: Mom
to: me
date: Tue, Sep 2, 2008 at 1:36 PM
subject: Re: Packaging fail!

I LOVE it !! : )

By the way... What was it that sent Beavis over the edge to Cornhulio? Candy?

Strangely inspiring and reassuring

Jessica: remember- no matter how bad things get, there are WHALES out there in that ocean you are looking at

and that's just amazing

I have no idea

"How'd it get so beautiful? It's kind of ridiculous."
-Sarah

But I haven't been to Vegas for months...

me - "Hello?"
Ben (office manager) - "Hi Zac, your wife is holding on line one."
me - "My wife? I'm pretty sure it's for the other Zach."
Ben - "Oh. Yeah. Probably."

She certainly sounds like it

Andy: i was listening to some (i can only assume stout) woman on bbc world service yesterday.. she was a hillary delegate, and she said there was "something about" obama she didn't like.. he was arrogant or something

i called her a bitch out loud while walking down the street

A what?

Nick - "You know what you are? You're a puss in a hat."
me - "What?"
Nick - "You know the Cat in the Hat? You're a puss in a hat."
me - "Is that like a little bitch?"
Nick - "No, you're a puss in a hat."

Ladies....

Sent at 8:53 AM on Friday
Jon: i'm half way through with dr horrible
good shit

Sent at 8:55 AM on Friday

Jon: hahahahaha

the hammer is my penis

My CEO...

"You flunked grooming!... I was expecting a poodle nose."
-Marin

At least she wasn't on TV

Jessica: but it's a disability that leads to fun and games, so I'm all for it

much like down syndrome

wait. By which I meant people with down's syndrome often compete in the Special Olympics

not that it's going to automatically lead to fun and games if you have down's syndrome

I'm not all for down's syndrome

not that there's anything wrong with people who have it

well, besides the fact that they have it

God, I've just dug myself a politically incorrect chasm

I did

Derek: Whoa

Science is on the floor

me: science is on the floor?

Derek: Derived from "you just dropped some science"
I like to build off those sort of aphorisms

And it did

Derek: That can certainly salt your game

And affect your employment

The Axis grows

Narges: this story makes italy sound like the unfunnest place

they are acting like they are an islamic country

which is never a compliment

They're almost words

Lisa: i had mmmbop in my head all sunday
i don't even know why
but not even any words, just the chorus of mmbop dop bop doo bop a doobiedopbop doo bop dop ba doo yea yea

I haven't shaved for two weeks...

Athena - "But it's summer. Your facial hair should really be seasonally appropriate."

Touche

Nick - "It was very sensual."
Mike - "What does that even mean? Use that word in a sentence."
Nick - "It was very sensual."

It was subtle, but yeah

Obama (on TV) - "... and I know she has gone on to a better place."
Dad - "Did he just say there's a better place than America? Cause that's what I heard."

Possibly where I get it from

From: Marci Dillon
Date: Thu, Aug 21, 2008 at 9:44 AM
subject: lunch

I forgot my delicious lunch on the kitchen counter. : (

THEN... when I went to my car, there were ants ALL OVER my car!

I had to take it to the car wash.

NOW... we have no server access. And my fonts won't load.


BUT... the coffee tastes great : ) ahhh...

Mom

It kind of does

Derek: I feel like Bakersfield just lends itself well to being on mugs

"Well do you want a large, or the biggest one?"

me - "Tell him what size it is."

Nick - "OK, they have a large, an extra large and King Kong..."

Mike - "This is a King Kong?"

Nick - "No, this is a Mac Daddy."
Mike - "A Mac Daddy?!"
me and Nick - "Mac Daddy."

It's not a lie if it confuses you too

Nick - "I think I'm doing something tomorrow... No, it was just a lie I was telling someone."
me - "You made plans to lie about something ahead of time?"
Nick - "Yeah, my lies are elaborate and pretty far-reaching."

Did they mean the IT department? (also I love the use of "thrice")

Try IT. It's really work. Make your woman happy.
,
,
,

She added a few large daisies to the red roses in his hand.

if it'd get them out of this God-damned war."
Gregory tried to spring up straight, but he swayed thrice.

He is... and I don't

Me - "You're such a girl."
Jon - "Shut up. I'm sorry, I care about people."

This spam is kind of pretty

[SPAM] New Private message awaits.
From: castid1ly2qw@aol.com

Be super in the bed games.
.
.
.
covered up the sun like something too good to be seen. The whole was so

the air, shouting at people along the road, crying out all sorts of things:
shrill whine of a crane sounded in his ears and the throaty cry of men

.....

It's time to go back to school! Get the latest trends and gadgets that make the grade on AOL Shopping.

It's true

me - "You just got IM'd, dude."
Jon - "Zac, I get IM'd out the ass."

I'm not sure how this word would come up...

Andy: for some reason, UK media keeps using the word "chinaman"

it's either less offensive there, or their publications are just more racist

Sent at 4:39 PM on Tuesday

In regards to Michael Phelps

Jessica: don't get me wrong, I fully appreciate his talent

but he looks a little short-bus to me

Like sky

"I see a lot of things in the sky that aren't meteors."
-Liz

Now she's like the Cunningham's oldest son (I was right)

2:58 PM me: oh and I'm fairly certain that the pam to my jim is getting fired

Andy: wow

probably because you've distracted her too much

2:59 PM with your jimness

At least he made it to 3:00

Andy: i just put my head down and fell asleep forty minutes ago

it was awesome

me: haha

at work?

Andy: yeah

i don't know how long i was out. probably some minimal amount of time.

Sent at 3:40 PM on Tuesday

I would guess

Michael - "Hey, how's the sewage?"
Kerry - "Terrible!"

We really are a hive mind

Mike - "We should go mini-golfing soon. I haven't done that in a long time and I really want to go."
me - "Yeah that could be fun. (30 seconds later) You're talking about doing it drunk, right?"
Mike - "Of course."

My response was "You win"

From: Kirstin
Passed out in my bath tub last night.

Received: Sun Aug 10, 8:37 am

Indeed

Michael - "Kids should get out of Marin."
Ginny - "Kids should get out of Marin."

Pull this thread...

Narges: yesterday, my coworker came into my office and was asking me to do something and i finally looked up and all i said was "suck it"

i only told that story right now, bc if this convo was in person, i could get a reaction from you by just saying "suck it" and walking away

But they're pretty

Narges: i dont think you should share your LOVE of glass-ware with just anyone

if they dont know you well, it can get awk

Sent at 4:14 PM on Thursday

me: how is that awkward?

Narges: its just an unusual thing to be so interested in

specially for a boy

oh, white girls

From: Mike
A buddy i might need u 2 pick me up from work these white girls r goin 2 take me sailing

Received:
Thu Aug 7, 2:38 pm

Yes, I reached for my calculator

Jessica: Bush has had 506 vacation days in the last year

me: no

try again

Jessica: according to the daily show

me: there are 141 things wrong with that statement

Jessica: last 8 years, sorry

At least there's no butter there

Lisa: exactly
and i am the most delicious lobster :(

Was the cake too ordinary?

Kate: i didn't eat cake

i had the world's most ridiculous side order of rice and beans, and then beer and jungle juice
woo

Is it?

"Well, flattery is the highest form of compliment."
Colin, on the phone

She didn't seem drunk

(Me and some inappropriate lady in line at Whole Foods)
Her -"Sandwich-boy can go first."
me - "Thanks, and I like that nickname. It actually fits me well."
Her - "I was going to call you spanky."

Note the "h." This is not me talking to myself

me, holding my hands in C shapes, finger tips and thumbs toward each other about half an inch apart - "Zach, what's about this size?"

Zach - "Uhhhmm..."

me - "I don't want to describe it as the size of a burger."

Zach - "I think you can say burger. A burger is pretty portable and definitely palm-sized."

me - "Well here's a picture of what I'm describing."

Zach - "That's really more like a BLT."

I won't

Sent at 4:50 PM on Monday

Narges: "dont tease me unless you can please me"

is what i heard form the board room

as 3 guys with suits are having a meeting

me: hahaha

that's good advice

Narges's new status message - "don't tease me unless you can please me." 5:09 PM

Gems from Bonta

"And why do these terrorist bases have so many red barrels?"

"I'm just a flurry of blades."
-Anthony

Like an elephant

me: she's been pregnant since i've known her

Narges: surprise = mistake in baby world

she said her son is 4, daughter is 17 months old and she is about 6 months pregnant

so, that is a lot of pregnant in 4 years

thats over 2 years (27 months) of pregnant

That's Mike for you

"I called you last week, and a HISPANIC answered."
-Dana

Said the history major

me - "I have two degrees."
Liz - "What are they?"
me - Liberal studies and American Literature."
Liz - "so nothing and... useless."

Hey, me too

Random guy pouring tequila shots in the stockroom of CB2 the night before it opens - "Who has to work tomorrow?"
Everyone who just did a shot - "Whooo!"

I can't wait to see the other seven

Andy: i have a series of magazine covers that i plan on framing for our future living room
me: covers of?
Andy: covers of Ebony magazine. this month's issue is of the "25 Coolest Brothers of All Time"
and there is a series of 8 collectible covers
including samuel l. jackson and others

My lawyer, ladies and gentleman

Jon: im a much smarter law student now (where smart = knows hows to use the system)

so ill be studyinbg a bit less

Sent at 5:41 PM on Wednesday

Yes. Yes we can

"Hey it's Elena. I was wondering if we can reschedule coffee today because I went riding yesterday and got thrown off a horse. A seal chased my horse and it ran towards the ocean and when I pulled the reigns it threw and then a big wave took me. So anyway, give me a call back when you get this."

Dilemma of two kinds of office coffee

"Why are you making that crap over there when you could be making this crap over here?"
-Colin

Cake

me - "It's NASA's birthday. Did you guys have cake today?"
Kevin - "No. Well, yes. But not because of that."

Better safe than sorry

Jessica: now I read a bizarre article once

about a couple that was trapped on the bay bridge, right on the edge of the collapse

who then moved to new york and both worked in the world trade center and were there when it went down

after that, I think I'd be afraid to live anywhere

me: maybe he's part cat

Jessica: or part satanic evil

who is saying he isn't responsible for these things?

but they moved to a tiny town in canada

where I'm never going

We can neither confirm nor deny

Sent at 11:55 AM on Tuesday

Lisa: okay i'm back

building security is retarded

i was on the phone with my mom and the intercom kept saying 'we experienced a tremor and are investigating the situation' and my mom said 'tell them it was an earthquake'

I'm sorry, what?

Colin - "Just three thousand dollars worth of what up-and-down feels like."
Michael - "It was actually just down."

This was apropos of NOTHING

Drew - "Lube."
me - "Did you just say lube?"
Drew, nodding - "Lube."

Easy to impress

Derek - "This has been a pretty good date."
me - "Yeah. Though we went to Jack in the Box for dinner."
Derek - "But you bought, so it works for me."

That's the worst kind

"I don't know, it's an ambiguous puddle of water."
-Colin

Schramps

Athena - "He's allergic to shramps."
Rueban - "To what?"
Athena & Pavlina - "Shramps!"
Rueban - "What?"
Athena - "Shrimp."
Rueban - "Oh, shramps."

Not literally. It's just something we say

"I would eat the shit out of a rolly-polly."
-Jeff

Not quite, apparently

Sent at 5:08 PM on Tuesday
Narges: and they have douche names

me: i need for you to be 100% honest with me

do i have a douche name?

Narges: haha

you have a preppy name

its different

and i think you have zac morris to blame

me: actually, Slater is the one who called Zac Morris preppy

so really I should blame him

Narges: but he was

slater was just calling it like it was

Yes. Yes I would

Sachin, discussing Wall-E - "So EVE... would you hit that? I'd hit that."

Really?... Really?

Jessica: wow, I just found a mistake on the mensa practice test

I still want to go to the Kentucky Derby

"Careful though, cause down there, you'd be black."
-Sachin

Among other atrocities

"Man, Hitler absolutely ruined that facial-hair style forever."
-Sachin

It's a really catchy tune, too

Michael, singing in the office - "Your appendix, is about to burst. Your liver, looks like chopped liverwurst."

But I know what I like

Mom - "Michael Rook was trying to tell me that Eddie Vedder isn't that great."
Me - "Why, cause he's a sellout?"
Mom - "Yeah, basically. But, what do I care? I put reproduction art on my wall."

For shame

Jessica: yeah, but I'll be stuck in LA

thanksgiving isn't until later that week

plus, I'm extremely old

my birthday's tend to go badly

there should have been no apostrophe there, and I am ashamed

Or just the truth

Nick - "What's that called? When alcohol makes everything seem so much better?"
Mike - "I'm pretty sure that's called alcoholism."

I was two steps further away

Nick - "I just feel like holding someone Michael. Man, you are really ripped."

It's not to get to the other side?

Jessica: I'm back now

why do cats climb trees?

me: i don't know
Jessica: me neither, but I have to find out

from my research, I can tell you- it's cause they're stupid

The "me" in this one is Andy

me: I saw Kiss Kiss Bang Bang... loved it!
Eve: seriously!
right?
me: so right
loved every minute
Eve: i mean, it's meta and all that
but not annoyingly so
me: definitely
Eve: like, I was actively engaged in the story
me: and who doesn't love rdj?
(i hereby declare his acronymized name)
Eve: Sarah Jessica Parker
I think he pawned her boombox for crack

:( indeed

Lisa: and then at midnight on sunday, there's the dirtiest sketch show in LA at UCB

on saturday i mean

but it's technically sunday

me: dirtiest?

Lisa: yea

all i know is that last time there was a real penis

but i missed it

:(

The pause made it funnier

me: i've never seen that movie either

Lisa: ding! another three hours of your weekend

haha

haha

i laugh at my laugh

Mostly just iPhone users

(after showing me how the newsletter I created doesn't work right in Safari)
Garrick: It's OK. Not that many people even use Safari.

But they attract dirt

"Next time I'm getting a pet rock."
-Luc, my boss, while cleaning up the pee of the office puppy, Scarlett

Probably the CIA too

Narges: as for verbal, i guess im just too foreign for the GRE

No, I don't

me: i really need a new phone

so today I had to stop and ask myself if I wanted an iphone

Andy: haha

commence creation of dbag

do you wear two popped collars simultaneously?

speaking of popped collars and iphone dbags, one of the guys presenting his iphone software at the macworld keynote was wearing two polo shirts — simultaneously

An expression is born

Sent at 12:48 PM on Monday

Andy: no sooner do i transfer a call to someone else

than my phone is ringing again

i have too much tomato for one sandwich
i don't know how to get around this perennial problem
me: too much tomato for one sandwich?

isn't this event only once every 4 years?

Andy: yeah

too much tomato for one sandwich is a perennial problem

now i have to finish off this tomato like it's an apple

and that's just not pleasant

I don't remember why this was said

"There's nothing funnier than a recently blind child."
-Kevin

Not possible

"But it was better than Hooters food."
-Dana

Some dbag's reading this on one right now...

Sent at 8:49 AM on Friday
Andy: i just ran down to the apple store for some man on the ground iphone reportage

me: what's the situation like?

Andy: line's pretty long

wraps along o'farrell down to powell

me: wow, that's a lot of dbags in one place

Andy: haha

a lot of them (perhaps most) already had iphones too

me: of course they do

Sent at 11:24 AM on Friday

me: I have incredible levels of respect for you because you're not in line buying an iphone

nor are you getting one to replace your current iphone

Andy: haha

who knew one could accrue so much respect just by doing nothing?

now would be the time i should fully disclose that i'm planning on getting it

seriously though, don't those people have jobs? that occurred to me as i stepped away from my own job to document their hookie

me: no, I knew you were getting one

and I'm saying I'm ok with that

Andy: i still have to fight the feeling that iphone users are, as you say, dbags

soon i will reluctantly join their ranks

Not as bad as I'd feel about dying

9:15 AMLisa: i'd really feel bad if my cat's hair suffocated you in the middle of the night

Ah, the Big Easy (I am 12)

FROM: The National Association of the Deaf
SUBJECT: Thank you for contacting the NAD

Thank you for contacting the National Association of the Deaf (NAD). We are currently out of the office for the 49th Biennial NAD Conference in New Orleans.

Total eclipse

Andy: they should stop toying with your heart like it's a .. toy heart.

Eh?

9:30 AM me: canada is a shockingly significant part of my day today

9:30 AM Jon: "oh canadaaaaa"

I could get to three for sure...

Jessica: I defy you to find more than three realistic uses for a pony.

Self-obsessed much? (self-reflexivie (post-modern) post)

11:55 AM me: http://overheardbyzac.blogspot.com

i'm so self-centered

11:59 AM Narges: that is true

Jessica, via email: I don't think writing the blog makes you an attention whore. I think sending out emails about it does.

Yeah money

(In conversation, as he hands me an Insertion Order)
Colin: Your money.
me: (looking at it) This is my money? Or I am money?
Colin: No, no. This is my money. And you are money.

Pulitzer-worthy quote

Sent at 10:48 AM on Tuesday
Andy: did i ever tell you about my roommate who worked for IT at the UCLA English Department?

me: no

Andy: an old professor brought in her computer to get some files saved before the computer could get wiped and upgraded

he was going through the folders to save

and saw a folder on the desktop called "XXX"

and inside were movies of her blowing some guy

his question was whether he should save those or not

and if he did, if she would realize that he saved them, and wonder if he watched them

me: did he?

and what professor was it?

Andy: i don't think so

he refused to tell us

professional that he is

me: if they were on the desktop she obviously accessed them frequently

Andy: maybe she moved them to the desktop on purpose

hoping he would see them

me: oh absolutely

Andy: and assent to getting blown