For reals

Nick: you cant marry a girl like that

let alone date

Andy's back!

Andy: you better back it up before i fuck it again

Overheard by Macie...

“No, I don’t mind being your carrot at all.”
- Zac Dillon

I'm not the one who said "we"

Talia - "You got a ticket?"
me - "It's actually called a 'citation.'"
Talia - "We're being pretentious early today."

My favorite new saying

"Today was a nap short of perfect."
-Narges

I'm pretty sure it wasn't

"Is that a Tommy Gun? We are in America..."
-Andrew, a British fellow

Oh Yeah...

Me -"Weren't we just talking about hermaphrodites?"
Macie -"Sporks."

Peppers

John - "They're small, aren't they?"
Me - "Yeah, they're poppers. They're for your mouth."
Macie and Talia - "They're for your mouth."

Selections of Spam

Shagging will be your favorite subject!
Cause ladies need pounding!
You can cry because of your weak limp rod, or you canpurchase [sic] this solution.

My Family

(there are leftover ribs)
Adam: "Yeah Celena, you want some bones?"
(mild laughter)
Jeff: "I don't get it."
Adam: "Funny, neither do I."