On idiots

Andy: it's not that simple

not to mention completely wrong

Good one

Jessica: so I tried to watch C-SPAN today

me: it's not your fault

if you didn't last very long

Jessica: that's what she said

Smoke detectors?

Eric: wow, I've got "WW2 in HD" on TV, workmen installing new smoke detectors, and a gchat conversation about burrito penises. This day rapidly got awesome

By giving things out like pez

Shaiya: That's how girlfriends get fat

Half of an existential realization

"There's no reason for half of my interactions."
-Macie

I don't know what this was

"Can you please... not... ruin my life?"
-Macie

Burn!

Andy: also why do stupid, conservative people always frame themselves as embattled yet triumphant?

they tried to attack me. and i'm still standing

uh, no, you just got owned by your own masturbation video

But of course they are

Andy: also the lab-grown penises apparently made the recipient rabbits super horny

Fillet o Fish haiku

Golden impostor
Are you fish? Are you lying?
Our love is secret

-Bryan