Like an elephant

me: she's been pregnant since i've known her

Narges: surprise = mistake in baby world

she said her son is 4, daughter is 17 months old and she is about 6 months pregnant

so, that is a lot of pregnant in 4 years

thats over 2 years (27 months) of pregnant

That's Mike for you

"I called you last week, and a HISPANIC answered."
-Dana

Said the history major

me - "I have two degrees."
Liz - "What are they?"
me - Liberal studies and American Literature."
Liz - "so nothing and... useless."

Hey, me too

Random guy pouring tequila shots in the stockroom of CB2 the night before it opens - "Who has to work tomorrow?"
Everyone who just did a shot - "Whooo!"

I can't wait to see the other seven

Andy: i have a series of magazine covers that i plan on framing for our future living room
me: covers of?
Andy: covers of Ebony magazine. this month's issue is of the "25 Coolest Brothers of All Time"
and there is a series of 8 collectible covers
including samuel l. jackson and others

My lawyer, ladies and gentleman

Jon: im a much smarter law student now (where smart = knows hows to use the system)

so ill be studyinbg a bit less

Sent at 5:41 PM on Wednesday

Yes. Yes we can

"Hey it's Elena. I was wondering if we can reschedule coffee today because I went riding yesterday and got thrown off a horse. A seal chased my horse and it ran towards the ocean and when I pulled the reigns it threw and then a big wave took me. So anyway, give me a call back when you get this."

Dilemma of two kinds of office coffee

"Why are you making that crap over there when you could be making this crap over here?"
-Colin

Cake

me - "It's NASA's birthday. Did you guys have cake today?"
Kevin - "No. Well, yes. But not because of that."

Better safe than sorry

Jessica: now I read a bizarre article once

about a couple that was trapped on the bay bridge, right on the edge of the collapse

who then moved to new york and both worked in the world trade center and were there when it went down

after that, I think I'd be afraid to live anywhere

me: maybe he's part cat

Jessica: or part satanic evil

who is saying he isn't responsible for these things?

but they moved to a tiny town in canada

where I'm never going

We can neither confirm nor deny

Sent at 11:55 AM on Tuesday

Lisa: okay i'm back

building security is retarded

i was on the phone with my mom and the intercom kept saying 'we experienced a tremor and are investigating the situation' and my mom said 'tell them it was an earthquake'

I'm sorry, what?

Colin - "Just three thousand dollars worth of what up-and-down feels like."
Michael - "It was actually just down."

This was apropos of NOTHING

Drew - "Lube."
me - "Did you just say lube?"
Drew, nodding - "Lube."

Easy to impress

Derek - "This has been a pretty good date."
me - "Yeah. Though we went to Jack in the Box for dinner."
Derek - "But you bought, so it works for me."

That's the worst kind

"I don't know, it's an ambiguous puddle of water."
-Colin

Schramps

Athena - "He's allergic to shramps."
Rueban - "To what?"
Athena & Pavlina - "Shramps!"
Rueban - "What?"
Athena - "Shrimp."
Rueban - "Oh, shramps."

Not literally. It's just something we say

"I would eat the shit out of a rolly-polly."
-Jeff

Not quite, apparently

Sent at 5:08 PM on Tuesday
Narges: and they have douche names

me: i need for you to be 100% honest with me

do i have a douche name?

Narges: haha

you have a preppy name

its different

and i think you have zac morris to blame

me: actually, Slater is the one who called Zac Morris preppy

so really I should blame him

Narges: but he was

slater was just calling it like it was

Yes. Yes I would

Sachin, discussing Wall-E - "So EVE... would you hit that? I'd hit that."

Really?... Really?

Jessica: wow, I just found a mistake on the mensa practice test

I still want to go to the Kentucky Derby

"Careful though, cause down there, you'd be black."
-Sachin

Among other atrocities

"Man, Hitler absolutely ruined that facial-hair style forever."
-Sachin

It's a really catchy tune, too

Michael, singing in the office - "Your appendix, is about to burst. Your liver, looks like chopped liverwurst."

But I know what I like

Mom - "Michael Rook was trying to tell me that Eddie Vedder isn't that great."
Me - "Why, cause he's a sellout?"
Mom - "Yeah, basically. But, what do I care? I put reproduction art on my wall."

For shame

Jessica: yeah, but I'll be stuck in LA

thanksgiving isn't until later that week

plus, I'm extremely old

my birthday's tend to go badly

there should have been no apostrophe there, and I am ashamed

Or just the truth

Nick - "What's that called? When alcohol makes everything seem so much better?"
Mike - "I'm pretty sure that's called alcoholism."

I was two steps further away

Nick - "I just feel like holding someone Michael. Man, you are really ripped."

It's not to get to the other side?

Jessica: I'm back now

why do cats climb trees?

me: i don't know
Jessica: me neither, but I have to find out

from my research, I can tell you- it's cause they're stupid

The "me" in this one is Andy

me: I saw Kiss Kiss Bang Bang... loved it!
Eve: seriously!
right?
me: so right
loved every minute
Eve: i mean, it's meta and all that
but not annoyingly so
me: definitely
Eve: like, I was actively engaged in the story
me: and who doesn't love rdj?
(i hereby declare his acronymized name)
Eve: Sarah Jessica Parker
I think he pawned her boombox for crack

:( indeed

Lisa: and then at midnight on sunday, there's the dirtiest sketch show in LA at UCB

on saturday i mean

but it's technically sunday

me: dirtiest?

Lisa: yea

all i know is that last time there was a real penis

but i missed it

:(

The pause made it funnier

me: i've never seen that movie either

Lisa: ding! another three hours of your weekend

haha

haha

i laugh at my laugh

Mostly just iPhone users

(after showing me how the newsletter I created doesn't work right in Safari)
Garrick: It's OK. Not that many people even use Safari.

But they attract dirt

"Next time I'm getting a pet rock."
-Luc, my boss, while cleaning up the pee of the office puppy, Scarlett

Probably the CIA too

Narges: as for verbal, i guess im just too foreign for the GRE

No, I don't

me: i really need a new phone

so today I had to stop and ask myself if I wanted an iphone

Andy: haha

commence creation of dbag

do you wear two popped collars simultaneously?

speaking of popped collars and iphone dbags, one of the guys presenting his iphone software at the macworld keynote was wearing two polo shirts — simultaneously

An expression is born

Sent at 12:48 PM on Monday

Andy: no sooner do i transfer a call to someone else

than my phone is ringing again

i have too much tomato for one sandwich
i don't know how to get around this perennial problem
me: too much tomato for one sandwich?

isn't this event only once every 4 years?

Andy: yeah

too much tomato for one sandwich is a perennial problem

now i have to finish off this tomato like it's an apple

and that's just not pleasant

I don't remember why this was said

"There's nothing funnier than a recently blind child."
-Kevin

Not possible

"But it was better than Hooters food."
-Dana

Some dbag's reading this on one right now...

Sent at 8:49 AM on Friday
Andy: i just ran down to the apple store for some man on the ground iphone reportage

me: what's the situation like?

Andy: line's pretty long

wraps along o'farrell down to powell

me: wow, that's a lot of dbags in one place

Andy: haha

a lot of them (perhaps most) already had iphones too

me: of course they do

Sent at 11:24 AM on Friday

me: I have incredible levels of respect for you because you're not in line buying an iphone

nor are you getting one to replace your current iphone

Andy: haha

who knew one could accrue so much respect just by doing nothing?

now would be the time i should fully disclose that i'm planning on getting it

seriously though, don't those people have jobs? that occurred to me as i stepped away from my own job to document their hookie

me: no, I knew you were getting one

and I'm saying I'm ok with that

Andy: i still have to fight the feeling that iphone users are, as you say, dbags

soon i will reluctantly join their ranks

Not as bad as I'd feel about dying

9:15 AMLisa: i'd really feel bad if my cat's hair suffocated you in the middle of the night

Ah, the Big Easy (I am 12)

FROM: The National Association of the Deaf
SUBJECT: Thank you for contacting the NAD

Thank you for contacting the National Association of the Deaf (NAD). We are currently out of the office for the 49th Biennial NAD Conference in New Orleans.

Total eclipse

Andy: they should stop toying with your heart like it's a .. toy heart.

Eh?

9:30 AM me: canada is a shockingly significant part of my day today

9:30 AM Jon: "oh canadaaaaa"

I could get to three for sure...

Jessica: I defy you to find more than three realistic uses for a pony.

Self-obsessed much? (self-reflexivie (post-modern) post)

11:55 AM me: http://overheardbyzac.blogspot.com

i'm so self-centered

11:59 AM Narges: that is true

Jessica, via email: I don't think writing the blog makes you an attention whore. I think sending out emails about it does.

Yeah money

(In conversation, as he hands me an Insertion Order)
Colin: Your money.
me: (looking at it) This is my money? Or I am money?
Colin: No, no. This is my money. And you are money.

Pulitzer-worthy quote

Sent at 10:48 AM on Tuesday
Andy: did i ever tell you about my roommate who worked for IT at the UCLA English Department?

me: no

Andy: an old professor brought in her computer to get some files saved before the computer could get wiped and upgraded

he was going through the folders to save

and saw a folder on the desktop called "XXX"

and inside were movies of her blowing some guy

his question was whether he should save those or not

and if he did, if she would realize that he saved them, and wonder if he watched them

me: did he?

and what professor was it?

Andy: i don't think so

he refused to tell us

professional that he is

me: if they were on the desktop she obviously accessed them frequently

Andy: maybe she moved them to the desktop on purpose

hoping he would see them

me: oh absolutely

Andy: and assent to getting blown