On Studying

"We've lost and the world wide web has won."

1330, 1391 for example

"You can pretty much do whatever you want to an alien."
-Connor

Po Mo Knock Knock

"Not only not knowing. not even not he."

Yeah we do

"In the course of everyday life, we consent to some touchings."

Law school, in summary

"If you have a choice between killing someone and rendering them a quadriplegic, 100 times out of 100, you should kill them."

What are fake things that don't really matter?

"Asking a former DA about the model penal code is like asking a cashier at the grocery store about imaginary numbers."

a close facsimile

"Whatever, you made Nebraska. I'm adequately impressed"
-Narges

burn!

"You're just wrong. And you do sound black on the phone."

Doesn't seem that dangerous, actually

"If they throw some kind of death ray at you."

Ah the good old days

"When I was a kid we fell off trampolines and we LIKED it."

An Attempt?

"Send a letter to God. Mail it to him. 337 Heaven."

Exactly

"It's like rooting for the Decepticons."

Propositions for you

"So definitely 'no' on giving them more to do... and 'MAYBE' on letting them exist."
-Narges

Both are good with cheese

"It's like comparing 2 oclock on a Saturday to an apple"

4.5 years seems most dangerous

"It takes about 5 years to get to a point where you no longer feel like you're committing malpractice on a daily basis."

Drinking out of cups

"They're hanging out drunk, making contracts."

Subjective requirements

"Well, I guess when you're dealing with retards."

Sounds like something I would say

"I don't know for sure for sure, but YEAH."

Duties

"People are much more interested in short hairs than they are in pre-existing duties."

On Cows

"He wanted what everyone else wants, which is a cow that breeds"

"Nobody wants a barren cow"

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

"No banana. Banana only falls at 2:44."

I yelled out, "yes!"

"Apparently there's a Disco Stu contingent in the class"

Today, not so much?

"You contracted typhoid fever, which is a bummer in 1909."

True

"There's no harm in sleeping with a 35-year-old FBI agent"

In day to day conversation

"He shits on my knowledge of English."
-Connor

Legal advice

"It's better to kill someone than just injure them. Especially if they have no family."

RSC§71

"Hey, you got black-out drunk last night, had sex with me, and now you have a kid!"
-Connor

All opposed?

"Let's vote. Sex Act or Intercourse? I vote for Intercourse."

Low-brow compuers

"My computer doesn't know how to spell fellatio"

Is it?

"Corpse mishandling... is a FASCINATING area."

A definition

"That's basically what criminal law is. PassiveAggressiveNotes.com, with murder."

I could see that

"Clients get very angry when you ignore them... particularly, when they're in jail."

The stuff we talk about basically all the time

"It's not very foreseeable that a cardboard box would decapitate a small child"

Oh come on!

"That is correctly placed in the duty bucket."

I disagree

"People who are stupid and absent minded are less dangerous than people who are evil geniuses"

Drug humor is great humor

"You can check my arms, there are no tracks there... it's all about the toes."

I too, say meh

"I'm a cold hearted person, as you already know, and I say, 'meh.'"

Awesome

"Just so you know, we traffic in human misery."

Overheard in Class

“The word ‘chicken’ can have millions of dollars riding on it, and that’s absurd and wonderful.”

Awk

"I'm pinching butts with it."
-Carli

Who does, really?

Narges: I dont want a murder suicide

Ginny didn't get my comment

Ginny- "It's long."
Me - "That's what Macie said. It's also what she said."
Ginny - "Yeah it's too long. No one likes to go down that much."

I laughed in his face

"Hey, both of those emails today went to my junk."
-Eric

Someday...

"Yeah, no law school. Go to... future school."
-Jessie

It was a photo

"Cool, that chick's boobs are falling out of her breasts."
-Nick

I got goose bumps

david: i wouldve gotten a boner

a boner for america

Sure

"Yeah, can you put it in my mouth for me?"
-Ann, in a cab

"They" being future beauty queens awaiting disgrace

Andy: i would hope they don't go to the trouble of making imovie masturbation videos

they are much better without music

Zorro, huh?

"No, he was here literally 5 seconds ago. He disappeared like Zorro."
-Colin

Mmm, cookies

From Nick:

I just saw a homeless guy eat a cookie he found in a container next to the garbage can. I saw the cookie earlier. Even I would have a go at it. I haven't seen someone that happy in a long time. God smiles for us every day.

Received:
Fri Mar 19 2:42pm

What animal made THE funniest movie?

"No, it's just the funniest movie ever made... by people."
-Colin

Yeah

Narges: i guess canadians just look like americans

I was confused as to why she was looking down on this girl's life choice

Talia - "She dropped out of high school senior year to go work on Broadway."
Me - "Wait, Broadway in Oakland as a prostitute, or Broadway in New York as an actress?"
Talia - "Broadway in San Francisco as a stripper."

Not the royal "we"

Andy: we boned cavemen

That's the shocking part of the email

Ann: i just got this email: "North Bay Bondage And Fetish would like to be your friend on MySpace."
????

who uses myspace anymore?

Overheard by Macie 4

"This is what we do on Thursdays. Have about 9 glasses of wine, puke at the Four Seasons and be at work by 8."

It turns out that I do

"You know how to make rice like a chinaman?"
-Jim S.

A chat clip emailed to me

Ann: i love that we have a long email chain about inside jokes

and zac is the kid walking in during the middle of the movie, asking questions

Leslie: hhahhahaaaa

the world does not stop and start at your convenience zac!

oh man. Zac is totally Donny.

Joseph is the Dude

Andy is Walter

How could it not

Joseph Dierking: three invisible dicks also occurred to me.

Dirty Wednesday

"Moist vagina. Hide that in your blog."
-Ben

Just the one time though

Andy: yesss

"omg once i ate a taco there and there was a homeless guy's dick inside"

mission: accomplished

Ohh... work

From: Brenda Elmore [mailto:belmore@smartmeetings.com]
Sent: Friday, April 16, 2010 9:16 AM
To: 'Zac Dillon'
Subject: RE: Leads from Site Solutions Group Eblast

I can’t open any of these…


From: Zac Dillon [mailto:zdillon@smartmeetings.com]
Sent: Friday, April 16, 2010 9:23 AM
To: 'belmore@smartmeetings.com'
Subject: RE: Leads from Site Solutions Group Eblast

Sure you can. I believe in you...
-Zac

It's true

Jessica: so i found the perfect graduation dress, but there's a good chance it's made by chinese slaves

should I get it?

me: there aren't any chinese slaves

they're paid the "market" rate for chinese labor

which, incidentally, is on the rise as the population gets more educated.

Their working conditions are equivalent to the US's in the 19th century

that's why everyone's so appalled at china's working conditions

it makes us embarrassed of our past

so think of it as a vintage dress

Jessica: so arguably, by pouring money into the chinese economy, I'm contributing to its ability to fund education, and thus raising labor standards?

I like this argument

now I just feel bad for the silkworms

me: oh no, silkworms like it

otherwise their silk utters get all sore from a buildup of too much silk

Jessica: You are going to be such a good lawyer.

Random texts

From: Narges
Oh. Fuck that. Im buying safeway brand

Received:
Tue Apr 6, 4:25pm

...

From: Narges
Held a human brain

Received:
Tue Apr 6, 8:07pm

On Jesus and his focus on heaven

"He was kind of obsessed with a goal."
-Nick

Damn you Z

"Cognizant really has a 'z' in it? That kind of pisses me off."
-Macie

I'm used to it

Shaiya: I judge you

like stumbling on god having coffee with lucifer at the local starbucks

Andy: probably c) lose all sense of me and my pants

Best text series

From: Shaiya
Kell mares the she is lie sitss.

Received:
Sat Nov 28, 2:19am
...
From: Sachin
I think Shaiya might have had something to drink tonight...

Received:
Sat Nov 28, 2:23am

Overheard by Macie 3

Life according to Zac: "I don't want to see MY life on TV"

Not even a New Yorker

"I'm out of charm, fuckhead."
-Adam

It kind of is

Shaiya: It took me a while to realize you were talking about the T-Rex

It's amazing that none of us are single

I've found this to be true

me: impress lady friend with geekery

Narges: hahahah

that one was funny

girls like funny

A quote from my magazine

"You have to swallow it because you really don't get the full flavor-spectrum unless you swallow."
-Smart Meetings

Cheese BALLS

"Oh no, I just put the whole thing in my mouth."

Overheard by Macie 2

"We just shove things in our mouths and move on."

Overheard by Macie

"My lips were like, oh my god I'm so moist."
-ZD

I want this to happen

Shaiya: I wish I could take all your gchats and make them into one long monologue

On Tablet Technology

Andy: it is definitely in an unknown area right now

it can become as cool as the segway

or it can become cool

On Gav's future

Narges: my mom said that the Lt gov wakes up every morning, checks to see if the gov is alive, and if so, goes back to bed

me: yeah, it's largely ceremonial

in california at least

Narges: but nice to have on his resume

AND jerry brown might not wake up every day for 4 years

A true Texas saying

"Sometimes the little dogs like to play with the big fish."
-Dana

Just a Kibble

"Of course. It was me and my two brothers, there was a dog in the house, of course we're going to try the dog food."
-Macie

Salacious

"You want a date right now?"
-Ginny, on the phone with a "client"

Funny for so many reasons

"She's not ugly. She's a heavy-set black woman, but she's not ugly."
-Ben, on the phone with the boss

My response to this text was "HAHAHA"

From: Andy Wang
301 has tenants now, and they are bizoning

Received:
Thu Feb 11, 3:38pm
............
To: Andy Wang
Bizoning?

Sent:
Thu Feb 11, 3:39pm
............
From: Andy Wang
Boning. But with more bow chicka bow wow.

Received:
Thu Feb 11, 3:45pm

She's at work too, not drunk

Niki: wow just noticed i was in this room

Zac is beige

david: backpacking through europe is about the whitest thing you can do

Jonathan Hua: yeah it is

Jonathan Hua: next to politicis

politics and backpacking through europe

two things that are very white

Shaiya: agreed

Two excellent questions

From: Mike
How the fuck did they get the money to make weekend at bernies 2? And, why the fuck, can't i stop watching it?

Received:
Tue Jan 12, 11:30 am

Want to play racquetball?

Andy: is that the one with the shuttlecock?

yeahhhh, shuttlecock

me: haha, no

that's badmitton

racquetball uses blue balls

racket games are dirty

Andy: haha

blue balls